he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
