I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
