Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
