Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
