but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we're making bets on your personal life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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