Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
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I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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