did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
