It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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