She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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