Pappa wants mamma naked
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
