I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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