i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
