You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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