what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Randomize
