WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
