i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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