Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
