So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
