Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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