Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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