how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
