i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
