I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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