i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
