I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
