sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
