My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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