some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
