The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
