he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
