I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize