Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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