I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
