I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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