He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
