dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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