You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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