Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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