yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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