did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
