While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
