The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
