my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
