omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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