Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
