i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We are two peas in an std pod
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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