I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have fence marks all over my body
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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