he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
