Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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