Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
