Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
