Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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