i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
