He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
