I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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