Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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