Umm I'm too high to move.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
