Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
