I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My balls are so social today.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
