im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
