I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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