...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
