i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
