I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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