i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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