I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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